♥ ELAINE

Life as it is.

2012-01-26T23:11:00.001+08:00

I want to migrate to somewhere beautiful. Where I can wake up to fresh sea breeze and air saturated with fresh pastry scents. Where I can walk on the streets, finding every piece of infrastructure an amazing piece of art. Where I can witness beautiful acts being performed and meet amazing people. Where I can do everything at my own pace, without any stress or rush, at all. Where there won't be expectations from others that I have to live up to, except from myself.. Where life is lived to its optimum.

Love, Elaine.

Busy life!

2011-11-19T00:04:00.002+08:00

Didn't update for quite a long while.

Realised that time passes by really fast.

More than a week has sped by and i didn't realise it.

Now there's even lesser time for everything to be done.

Anyway, i shall just flashback to Sunday when i went to Ming Yee's house with my CG mates for a sleepover.

Mark, Sean, Joshua, Jerone, Grace, Dory, Letazia and I all stayed over at Ming Yee's house!

Haha Lydia joined us all the way till after dinner though!

Oh and it was a really cool experience having 10 people in a 5-seater mini van!
Omg it was crazy!

We went to takeaway lunch at SingPost (because Ming Yee stays in Paya Lebar) and then took Mark's mini van to her house.

Lydia sat in the passenger seat with ALL our food and the rest of us squeezed behind!

Sean sat in the 'boot' of the van, which was the area just behind the 3-seater seats while Joshua, Letazia, Ming Yee, Grace and I all had to squeeze on the 3-seater seat which kept on moving backwards whenever we made some exaggerated movements, causing Sean to get squashed behind the seat hehehehe!

Anyway, we had to get out of the carpark and as you should know, all carparks have that stupid spiral driveway to get out of the basement.

DAMN, it was such a scary experience! HAHA.

We could feel the van moving backwards while Mark was trying to drive it upwards! Omg hahaha.

And it was stressful for him also because he had to try super hard to get the van moving LOL!

Afterwards, we went to fetch Dory at the MRT station before heading to Ming Yee's house.

Had dinner at her condo's function room and played some games as well.

Sadly I had a migraine so I couldn't really enjoy myself that much :(

Anyway, we watched movies like Big Momma 2 and spent the time just chilling together!
After we got tired of watching movies and eating, all of us went into Ming Yee's room.

Her room is really small so it was super cramped hahaha!

Like four people on the bed and five on the floor!
Played truth or dare for a super long time and just generally chit chatted.

Finally all of us went to sleep at around 5 AM! Hahaha.

Letazia, Grace, Mark and I all squeezed on the small foldable mattress in Ming Yee's room LOL.

It was super squeezy cause the mattress is like super small (usually not even enough for me alone!) and we had four people squeezing onto it! Hahaha.

Grace and Mark's feet were like beside Letazia's and my face! LOL.

Anyway, all the guys had training the next day and they only had like 2 hours of sleep!

Left with Ming Yee, Grace and Jerone, hitching a ride from Mark hehe.

After i reached home, i had to leave straight away for a BBQ at Mrs Low's house!

It's like a 2 Faith reunion.

My life is like super busy right?!

Anyway, i had a great time eating muahahaha!

It wasn't anything special since I don't think that 2 Faith is actually bonded at all and everyone were like in their own cliques.

Futhermore, not really a lot of people went, so yeah.

But overall, it was considerably fun!

Oh and something funny happened!

We were all about to go home and a lot of us were at the same bus stop.

All the 2 Faith guys were sitting on the seats at the bus stop and i just stood there and said "ALL THE GENTLEMEN" in a loud and sarcastic tone and guess what?

Half of them BOUNCED out of their seats immediately!

As in literally BOUNCE man! Hahaha.

What an amusing sight hehe!

I shall keep in mind that this phrase is super useful! :D

Love,

Elaine.

Will post about 3 Truth class chalet sometime later! Maybe tomorrow?

Last (hopefully) hurdle for the year!

2011-11-08T18:35:00.000+08:00

I need more aesthetically-pleasing/flattering clothes that don't make me look like an elephant.

Okay anyway, i have my Chinese 'O' Levels on Thursday and i'm pretty much screwed except for Paper 2 i guess..
Since i got 54/70 for the 1st mock exam and 58/70 for the 2nd, which is the highest score! (together with yuheng)
So i guess i'm pretty much safe for my Paper 2, i hope.
But i'm not the least bit optimistic about my Paper 1, which is letter writing and composition but i shall just leave it to God!
I've done all i could within this short amount of time and i guess i'll be rewarded fairly!
All i need to be able to do is not write out of topic + write fast + have better time management!
Pray that i can be able to do that!
Love,
Elaine.

2011-11-05T23:50:00.000+08:00

Why is it that I behold such a vast expanse of emptiness, seemingly suctioning me towards it when I stare into those dark orbs of yours?

I'm coming clean.

2011-11-05T23:46:00.003+08:00

Omg guys, do any of you remember this song?
I know it was eons ago but this is true music man.
But i also know the era has changed and techno sounds together with incoherent screaming of lyrics are the trend right now but i just wanted to probably, bring us back in time for a little while now?
Nostalgia maybe.
But i saw this on Tumblr a few days ago and thought about sharing since i personally like this song.
It's beautiful.
And it's especially so since nowadays its so hard to find meaningful songs.
Enjoy!
Love,
Elaine.

Let the rain fall down and wake my dreams, let it wash away my sanity.
'Cause I wanna feel the thunder, I wanna scream.

2011-11-05T23:05:00.000+08:00

"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do."
- Eleanor Roosevelt

"For attractive lips, speak words of kindness. For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people. For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry. For beautiful hair, let a child run their fingers through it once a day. For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone. People, more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed. Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms. As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself and the other for helping others."
- Sam Levenson

2011-11-04T22:43:00.003+08:00

What I feel is nothing of physical loneness, but of emotional detachment.

2011-11-04T22:25:00.000+08:00

"Writing is a form of therapy; sometimes I wonder how all those who do not write, compose or paint can manage to escape the madness, melancholia, the panic and fear which is inherent in a human situation."
- Graham Greene

"The good times and the bad times both will pass. It will pass. It will get easier. But the fact that it will get easier does not mean that it doesn't hurt now. And when people try to minimize your pain they are doing you a disservice. And when you try to minimize your own pain you're doing yourself a disservice. Don't do that. The truth is that it hurts because it's real. It hurts because it mattered. And that's an important thing to acknowledge to yourself. But that doesn't mean that it won't end, that it won't get better. Because it will."
- John Green

These two quotes are amazingly true.

Street Beggar Basketball!

2011-10-29T00:03:00.001+08:00

Yesterday we had early dismissal again due to the 'O' Levels.
Dismissed at 12.40pm.
Went to J8 to buy lunch with Darilyn then left for Bishan Active.
Btw Long John Silver's Cajun Chicken is super good!
Oh yah, and their nacho cheese is probably the best.
Was eating at the sheltered part in between the playground and the fitness corner with the benches while waiting for the guys who took their own sweet time.
Ended up suffering a sudden storm!
Had to protect my food! :(
Oh and the guys arrived while it was still pouring.
Since everyone was already wet, we just played in the rain LOL.
It was really fun.
Since the rest of the people haven't arrived and we don't have the frisbee nor basketball, we decided to improvise and played Street Beggar Basketball (i invented this name muahahaha)!
This game can only be played under desperate measures!
Hahaha.
We played basketball with a 1.5 litre mineral water bottle that we found on the floor LOL.
Then afterwards we kicked water at each other and all the random things like collecting water in the bottle LOL.
Jonas was the Street Beggar Basketball pro!
Hahaha although he was super un-gentlemanly by continuously snatching the bottle!
Okay yup, that's about all!
Love,
Elaine.

Talk is cheap.

Anti-flabs!

2011-10-27T00:34:00.001+08:00

So, yesterday half the school didn't need to attend school.
Because apparently, our school is having an Open House where Primary Six students ongoing to Secondary 1 can attend in hope that we will spark an interest in them.
But what's ironic is that all the primary school kids have school yesterday so i was wondering how the freak will there be students (except from the kcpps of course).
Anyway, we had a choir performance and i wasn't nervous at all since the choir was quite large.
However, when it was Miranthi, Hong Lyn and Jia Yi's turn to perform 'Beautiful' and 'What Makes You Beautiful', i was freaked out.
Because 8 of us were going to go out onto stage and make a fool of ourselves during 'What Makes You Beautiful'!
Omg i didn't realise how many people were there until we stepped out from behind the stage curtains!
So we were just dancing like some goofy idiots and singing along to the song.
Omg so embarrassed i could just dig a grave for myself right there.
But hehe, Pearlyn i know what you said about me among the choir members! Awww darling you're so sweet ♥ ♥ ♥ HAHAHA.
Okay i sound like a retard but whatever man, i haven't received a compliment in years!
Oh yah, all the choir members were ready to leave the Choir room at around 12 but Ms Kee just had to hold us back cause apparently, the official dismissal time was 12.30!
So me and Darilyn wanted to sneak out but Royston just HAD to SHOUT my name!
He was like "ELAINEEEEE!" when i opened the door and i mentally killed him right there -.-
Now he shouts my name like this whenever he sees me cause he says i'm always smiling and i have that 'optimistic aura' LOL OKAY FINE.. JUST DON'T GET ME INTO TROUBLE PLEASE.
Hahaha what a weird guy.
But anyway, afterwards i went to eat with the girls and headed off to Bishan Active with Victoria and Hong Lyn!
They left quite soon though.
Oh and I played frisbee in the rain!
It was so refreshing.
Do you even remember the last time you played in the rain without worrying about your clothes or anything like that?
Hah. I have more life than you.
Okay anyway, i played frisbee and i guess i held it the wrong way because my middle finger was bruised and turned purple.
So i played basketball instead.
Wow i hate it at first but after resting with Raiwin and Adrian, two kids from kcpps aged primary 3 and 5 came along and omg you have no idea how sick they were!
The girl was primary 3 and the guy was primary 5 and they had disgusting swear/sexual words in all of their sentences!
And Adrian was like busy polluting their minds -.-
(Oh and the primary 3 girl likes Adrian -facepalm-)
Disgusted at the fact that our generation is corrupt and our world is screwed, i went to play basketball with Yeung Gin and poured out all my disgust and contempt of the rising generation.
I used to want kids a lot but these two kids amazingly changed my point of view.
I wouldn't want to allow my kids to be exposed to such humanity!
Okay whatever, i'll leave the future to the future.
But anyway, i guess am endowed with the natual flair of picking new skills up quickly! (even Yeung Gin agreed, hahaha don't kill me)
Because he was amazed at how fast i pick up the skill of playing basketball muahahaha.
What can i say ~
I can shoot 3-pointer now yayayayayayay.
Haha whatever just let me show off will you.
Anyway, i woke up this morning to find out that my entire body was aching.
And i was super lethargic.
So i woke up, brushed my teeth and went back to sleep again.
I should probably start playing basketball more!
I can feel my flabby arms being toned already LOL.
Okay next time i'll try to play more basketball instead of frisbee!
Anti-flabs for the win!
Love,
Elaine.

Leave quietly, and i'll accept it silently.

Fuelling thoughts.

2011-10-25T21:20:00.001+08:00

Hey there.
Wait a second, slow it down.
I've been having this burning question buried within my gaping thoughts.
Are you really depressed, or are you merely addicted to the feeling of despair?
If it's the latter, you'd know something is wrong.
That's definitely not right.
It's sad, even.
I could understand if melancholy helps in introspecting, but falling into despondency for the thrilling pain of it is just plain corrupt.

Born again.

2011-10-24T23:34:00.003+08:00

I'm finally baptised!
You have no idea how much courage it took me to speak fluently on stage and even if I may look confident (although not to Gladys!), i was actually trembling!
So i spoke super fast just cause i could get it over and done with, but i'm glad it didn't go too badly :)
Shall I post my testimony..?
Okay here it goes!

"Good morning everyone, I am Elaine and I will be sharing with you my testimony on how God has impacted my life. I've been a Christian almost all my life because I was being brought to church by my cousins at a tender age. Therefore, going to church and being a Christian was really more of a habit than of pure will. This was especially so since I was actually sort of 'conned' into going to church. I remember my cousin, Bella, asking me if I would like to attend church in Chinese and as most of you should know, the word 'church' when translated to Chinese, is 教堂. At that time, I was only around five years old and the only word that actually struck me in the whole sentence was the word 堂 which sounds like 'candy' in Chinese. Being the ignorant five years old that I was, I assumed that 'church' was a place which would provide me with a lot of sweets, so I just went along with them and was clearly proved otherwise.

But even up till now, I don't regret my choice and I'm really glad that I have made that innocent decision of going to church. I know that no one's life is a bed of roses, and as young as I maybe, I have had my own set of problems as well. I didn't used to stay with my immediate family when I was younger. It was only until I entered Primary School that I started living with my parents. It was a really hard time adapting for me as I felt like a total stranger even with my parents and siblings. Hence, as a child, I have always grown up feeling misplaced and lonely. I didn't really know my family well, and vice versa so I kept to myself most of the time. I would be cold and harsh towards my family and it made me appear as a bad child because nobody seemed to understand me, in the way that I thought or felt. I would be a total different person in school and at home as I felt more comfortable with my friends than my family. However, as I grew older, the many problems faced during adolescence starting filling up my life. I felt so overwhelmed with all the situations I was faced with. Every little comment or insult made by my friends or even, my family made me develop an inferiority complex. My self-confidence went plunging and I was just so dissatisfied with everything about myself and everything around me. I was so afraid to be judged and found myself constantly striving to live up to the expectations that everyone had on me, it was both physically and mentally exhausting. Soon enough, Satan made all these negative feelings brew into something greater within me. I felt that no one was sincere and everyone else was judging me, even while I am simply walking on the streets. I hated social situations and just avoided people in general. Something as easy as making eye contact with someone was an impossible task to me. Things such as betrayal of friendship, made me grow into a person who bore much hatred. I was always angsty and it was to the extent that I remembered myself hating people in general but most of all, I hated myself. However, things took on a gradual change when I finally got to know God on a more personal level when I attended my first YaYA camp at the end of my Primary Six year. I've never felt so impacted before and I knew straight away that it was God speaking to me. He wanted to change me through the sermons and speeches made by the speakers of the camp and that was the first step to becoming the Elaine that I am today. By His grace, I was saved and He made me think of the world in a different point of view.

I matured under God's love and learnt about forgiveness. I also felt my hatred and angst slowly seeping away. A verse that I always keep close to my heart is Ephesians 4:26 "In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, as I learned to contain my anger and not do things out of spite. Although it was a tough journey, God saw me through all of it and I entered Secondary School life as a complete different person. Because of God's abundant grace and agape love, I felt the need to care and love others as well. I also learnt that God doesn't just put you through trials to see you suffer, but it is to mould you and shape you into a better person, or even to share your experiences with others to help them pull through tough times. Therefore, I wouldn't hesitate when a friend is in need of a listening ear or for advice. Being in a Christian School also allowed me to make other Christian friends and have morning devotions everyday, which helped me to build on my relationship with God. Slowly, I found myself changing from someone who was void of emotions to a person with much more emotions. I found myself being more compassionate, forgiving and obedient and it is to the extent that I can't seem to stay angry at anything for an extended period of time. And even though forgiving may seem like a difficult task, I find myself forgiving people or even, myself, too easily. I have become a much more optimistic person and even though there will be times when I get upset or uneasy, God always allows me to feel a sense of peace as long as I seek Him. Because of God, I am entirely changed and I will continue to walk in His ways. Thank you."

Haha so how was it?
Love,
Elaine.

But the more unattainable, the more intriguing it is.

2011-10-17T23:17:00.000+08:00

"Is it really that bad if someone sees who you are? Why is it humans have a problem with letting someone else see that they are human?"
- Joseph Gogler

Baptism in 7 days.

2011-10-17T00:02:00.000+08:00

Gonna have my baptism next week!
Omg can't believe this is all real.
Anyone wants to come badly?
Still quite troubled over my testimony though.
I'll need a lot of courage to share about my life...
I'll pray for courage and i still don't know what to share and what not to.
Love,
Elaine.

2011-10-16T23:51:00.001+08:00

2011-10-15T11:38:00.000+08:00

"It hurts to let go. Sometimes it seems the harder you try to hold on to something or someone the more it wants to get away. You feel like some kind of criminal for having felt, for having wanted. For having wanted to be wanted. It confuses you, because you think that your feelings were wrong and it makes you feel so small because it's so hard to keep it inside when you let it out and it doesn't come back. You're left so alone that you can't explain. Damn, there's nothing like that, is there? I've been there and you have too. You're nodding your head."
- Henry Rollins

2011-10-15T11:27:00.001+08:00

"As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let us down, probably will. You'll have your heart broken and you'll break others' heart. You'll fight with your best friend or maybe even fall in love with them, and you'll cry because time is flying by. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you've never been hurt. Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances. You just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you and tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someone's hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts. Don't be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back."
-Unknown

(I don't agree with the 'be a flirt' part though.)

2011-10-15T10:34:00.001+08:00

"When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it were your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something."
- Steve Jobs

2011-10-14T13:07:00.001+08:00

Falling into despondency.

2011-10-14T12:44:00.001+08:00

I'm back.
It's been so long since i've last touched my computer.
Feels so weird right now but it's amazing that i could actually abstain from the computer for like, more than a week?
I've never thought i'd be able to have such extraordinary self-control haha.
So, the exams are over and now life is pretty meek for me.
Nothing much to blog about.
One thing i really hate about myself is my extreme laziness.
I'm so lazy, it scares me sometimes.
So i'm gonna change that, hopefully throught the holidays where being lazy is so extremely tempting.
I was honestly really slack throughout this SA2, considering the fact that its the final examinations for the year, i really should've worked harder.
I guess I wouldn't be surprised if i didn't meet my targets, but being upset would be inevitable.
Especially for the A Math paper.
It's like, i've seen most of the questions and i've probably went through them during my tuition but, i just.
I honestly don't know what happened to me in the exam.
It was like my mind just went blank, i lost confidence in myself just because of the first question which was really really really easy but i couldn't do it.
So for the rest of the paper my attention was really diverted.
I couldn't think properly + the lack of time.
It was like i was just pulsating with time, i didn't know what i was writing or anything.
I guess i'll need to work on self confidence or rather, believing in myself, which has been something i've never been able to do all my life.
Like how i didn't believe i got 241 for PSLE and i even went to ask my teacher if she got my result slip wrong, and how because i thought i was dumb and i couldn't have scored 241 so i went to kcpss instead of some other school that i could've easily gotten in and have a better future than this.
Sigh, my life.
It's alright, just let me fall into despondency. (And let's never talk about exams again)
But it's alright, since Michelle's treating us to the international buffet at Marina Bay Sands for her Sweet Sixteen!
It's $65 omg gotta eat all i can.
Will update about it tomorrow (hopefully)!
Love,
Elaine.

This palpable fear, this deafening silence.

2011-09-28T23:40:00.002+08:00

"Schools were envisioned with the purpose of providing education, but now it has been more of a tool, to gradually transform all of us into robotic humanoids, without an actual, breathing and sanguine life, overflowing with purpose and youthful adrenaline."

2011-09-28T00:00:00.000+08:00

“You’ll get over it…” It’s the clichés that cause the trouble. To lose someone you love is to alter your life for ever. You don’t get over it because ‘it” is the person you loved. The pain stops, there are new people, but the gap never loses. How could it? The particularness of someone who mattered enough to grieve over is not made anodyne by death. This hole in my heart is in the shape of you and no-one else can fit it. Why would I want them to?”
- Jeanette Winterson (Written on the Body)

2011-09-27T20:00:00.001+08:00

“When you’re lost in those woods, it sometimes takes you a while to realize that you are lost. For the longest time, you can convince yourself that you’ve just wandered off the path, that you’ll find your way back to the trailhead any moment now. Then night falls again and again, and you still have no idea where you are, and its time to admit that you have bewildered yourself so far off the path that you dont even know from which direction the sun rises anymore.”
- Elizabeth Gilbert

2011-09-26T23:09:00.000+08:00

"Sinking into a whirlwind of despondency."

2011-09-26T19:00:00.000+08:00

“Make a radical change in your lifestyle and begin to boldly do things which you may previously never have thought of doing, or been too hesitant to attempt. So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservation, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more damaging to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future. The very basic core of a man’s living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun. If you want to get more out of life, you must lose your inclination for monotonous security and adopt a helter-skelter style of life that will at first appear to you to be crazy. But once you become accustomed to such a life you will see its full meaning and its incredible beauty.”
- Jon Krakauer (Into the Wild)

2011-09-26T01:42:00.001+08:00

"An impending surge of void emotions."

On a side note, if i have posts like these (similar to the one a few posts down as well), it means that i'm just experimenting with my elusive vocabulary, hahaha jk.
It just means its written by me la, as you can see there's no source provided!
Love,
Elaine.
(Oh wait this isn't a queued post!)

2011-09-25T21:00:00.000+08:00

“The whole of life is just like watching a film. Only it’s as though you always get in ten minutes after the big picture has started, and no-one will tell you the plot, so you have to work it out all yourself from the clues.”
- Terry Pratchett

2011-09-24T16:00:00.001+08:00

“Remember, remember, this is now, and now, and now. Live it, feel it, cling to it. I want to become acutely aware of all I’ve taken for granted.”
- Sylvia Plath

I'll be back ;)

2011-09-23T23:47:00.000+08:00

I've been posting too many quotes haha but i guess you guys probably don't mind right?
They're meaningful anyway and they speak my mind so yup, i don't need to waste time posting a normal, mundane post like this.
I've got somemore quotes now but it would not be suspenseful enough if i just spam all of them here right?
Hahaha if you have my Tumblr you'd probably know what i'm gonna post next but i'm just gonna queue my posts so i don't have to update my blog so often hehe.
Shall post a lot more after the exams!
Till then, i shall just leave cliffhangers here and there :)
Love,
Elaine.

2011-09-23T23:34:00.003+08:00

“Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.”
- Soren Kierkegaard

2011-09-23T23:33:00.000+08:00

“That is part of the beauty of all literature. You discover that your longings are universal longings, that you’re not lonely and isolated from anyone. You belong.”
- F. Scott Fitzgerald

2011-09-23T23:30:00.000+08:00

"A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing."
- George Bernard Shaw

2011-09-20T23:54:00.003+08:00

"This vast expanse of nothingness."

2011-09-20T23:51:00.002+08:00

"Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will spend its whole life believing that it is stupid."
- Albert Einstein

2011-09-20T22:41:00.003+08:00

"Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that."
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Body degeneration.

2011-09-18T21:26:00.000+08:00

Hello.

I'm gonna die.

Having fever again haha.

So not surprising.

But i really need to recover so that i can focus on studying and sitting for the exams :(

Anyway, i'm not in the right mind to do homework now so i figured i should just post something.

Oh yah, yesterday i went to help Shong Yan with his filming for Media Studies together with Yeung Gin and Brendan.

His story was totally inspired by me and Yeung Gin's life! LOL.

The title of the film is "All I want is sleep..." hahahaha.

It's about an insomniac who stays up all night on the computer, chatting to friends and watching Korean dramas LOL.

However i got caught in the drizzle while running there because i was late..

Plus today i was freezing the whole time when i was in church.

Probably that's why i'm having fever again.

I'm currently eating like 5 different kinds of pills, excluding cough syrup and lozenges.

Just swallowed like 6-7 pills at once, haha i'm really a pro aren't i?

Throat infection sucks, i want to eat more lozenges to numb the pain but there's a limit to how many you can eat a day :(

And i would gladly skip school but i can't because i'm too stupid to do so.

I really ought to start studying by tomorrow.

And yet, there's so many homework and i don't understand so much crap. Especially Chemistry + History + ... everything.

I CAN DO THIS.

Oh and yesterday right, Debbie was supposed to help Shong Yan with the filming as well but she came late and we finished her scene so Shong Yan asked her to go home LOL SUCH AN ASSHOLE. I bet some of you are secretly laughing right now.

Anyway, he treated both Brendan and Yeung Gin to bubble tea while i complained about how life sucks cause i couldn't drink. (If not i'd probably not be able to crawl out of bed today)

Okay i'm going to just let myself die right now.

I should write a will soon...

Love,

Elaine.

These days i keep getting weaker.

Painkillers.

2011-09-18T00:14:00.000+08:00

Hey, haven't been updating much recently!
But don't expect much updates nowadays since i don't even have time to go on Tumblr.
Which means i naturally don't have time for Blogger since i always go to Tumblr!
I'll post a lot, a lot more after the SA2s since they are like coming in less than 3 weeks and i haven't even started studying yet!
Super freaked out + stressed out now.
There's so little time but so much studying to do!
Even my health has taken a toll on me.
Had fever two days ago.
Now i'm down with super bad throat infection.
Doctor says i have a sensitive throat.
Now i'm not supposed to talk too much LOL.
Really hate my super low immunity though, seems like my life span keeps getting cut short.
Shall cherish my health while i still have it!
I'm going to be super strict on my diet now, even after i recover.
I shall abstain from soft drinks/fried food as far as possible from now on.
The amount of medicine i've taken in my entire life is horrendous.
It's like i can already memorise what the medicine is used for based on it's appearance, sigh.
Love,
Elaine.

Void.

2011-09-09T19:42:00.000+08:00

"It's funny but stupid how you want everything and nothing at the same time. It's crazy when you want to let go, but you keep holding on, and when you want to move on, but you're stuck right where you started. When feelings come and go, you can't decide what you want. When you have so many things to say, but you don't know where to start. When you want them in your life, but can't help drifting away. You tell yourself it's not worth it, but if it really didn't matter, you wouldn't be spending so much time thinking about it."
- Source (http://www.wordsandlyrics.tumblr.com)

SHINee :(

2011-09-09T18:12:00.000+08:00

SHINee's coming tomorrow.
While I sit here and wait for them to arrive in Singapore tomorrow, hold their concert and probably go back one or two days later :(
I'm so upset!
All I wish is that I can stop being a fan of SHINee like, right now or by today :(
Sigh.
Love,
Elaine.

Start living.

2011-09-08T18:10:00.000+08:00

"I think that's what's wrong with the world; no one says what they really feel, they always hold it inside. They're sad, but they don't cry. They're happy but they don't dance or sing. They're angry, but they don't scream. Because if they do, they feel ashamed and that's the worst feeling in the world. So everyone walks with their heads down and no one sees how beautiful the sky is."
- Source Unknown
I think i've posted this quote before but it still applies all the time :)

"I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again."
- F. Scott Fitzgerald

Love,

Elaine.

2011-09-08T00:04:00.004+08:00

ALL THE THINGS I NEED TO DO.

2011-09-07T23:39:00.004+08:00

"She has had a creeping fear of late that what she wants most -- for her life to begin, to take on some meaning, to turn from blurred monochrome into glorious techni-colour -- may pass her by. That she might not recognise it if it comes her way, might fail to grasp for it."
- Maggie O' Farrell (The Hand That First Held Mine)

This is posted by me and from what i've read!
It's from one of the books that I just bought from the Border's book fair :)
But it's gonna take a long time for me to finish this book since SA2s are coming!
Love,
Elaine.

2011-09-07T17:39:00.002+08:00

Omg this happens to me like, all the time.

In school.

Especially the Extremely Hyper -> Cranky -> Knock Out part!

FOREVALONE.

2011-09-05T22:11:00.001+08:00

I WILL HAVE TO EAT LUNCH/GO HOME ALONE FOREVA FROM NOW ON.
SIGHHHHHHHHHHHH.

I THINK I SHOULD SIT AT THE CORNER AND CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP.
IT'S OKAY GIRLS, IT'S OKAY.
DON'T PRETEND TO FEEL GUILTY OR SORRY FOR ME.
I'M TOTALLY FINE WITH THIS IMMENSE PAIN OF BEING FOREVALONE. (WOOHOO I'M SO COOL I MADE A NEW WORD)
K ON THE BRIGHTER SIDE, I CAN SAVE MONEY AND LOSE WEIGHT AT THE SAME TIME AND I'M TOTALLY FINE WITH THAT.
BYE, GO ELOPE OR SOMETHING!
LOVE,
ELAINE.

Caffeine overload.

2011-09-04T21:28:00.000+08:00

Went to study with my dearest Pok (Carissa) ♥ after church at Plaza Singapura today.

Okay not really study but more on doing homework.

Still, i owe one truckload of homework. Sigh :(

Went to eat at the food court, omg does anybody know the Indonesian stall which sells grilled food right inside the food court?

Their food is fantastic! I've been craving it for 2 whole weeks and i've finally satisfied my craving today :D

Went to study at Starbucks, bought White Chocolate Mocha Frappucino (Venti) and sat there for quite a while (while trying to resist from drinking too much because we need i need it in order to continue sitting there).

However, cause we're sitting outdoors, the ventilation was super good and.. smoke was obviously, EVERYWHERE :)

Decided to stop being a second-hand smoker and went inside.

Oh and their planning of seats at the outdoor area really sucks cause it was like non-smoking area/smoking area/non-smoking area.

So it was basically, smoking area right smack in the middle of the non-smoking area.

Wow how smart is that, Starbucks!
Okay anyway we went into the (sadly) emptiest fast food restaurant that is, Burger King to continue our work.

Had a cup of coke and if you didn't know, coke contains caffeine as well.

So, i can conclude, that i'm just about to be a zombie tonight due to the immense amount of caffeine intake today!

Totally matches with the movie i'm watching right now! (I am Legend on Channel 5)

Okay so i have SPA practices tomorrow probably gonna screw up!

Love,
Elaine.

Self-improvement.

2011-09-03T20:52:00.001+08:00

Yesterday, went to Daryl & Caryl's house to study with Brendan, Darilyn and Shong Yan.
Sadly Darilyn had to leave early (but she realised she left too early LOL)!
Anyway, did some homework and i guess it wasn't too bad, since i would probably not do any of my homework at home :/
Went to eat dinner at ToastBox (Compass point) with them and Caryl's mum.
Had laksa. Oh yah, her mum is so cool and their house is super nice (since her mum home-works).
Today, had tuition. Oh, and a severe loss of sleep because i stayed up late yesterday to do my tuition homework (or i would be skinned alive) and woke up early again to do it cause i didn't complete them.
After tuition, went to Expo for the Borders book fair.
Yeah i know i totally don't read books and all but recently i've been having this strong urge for self-improvement and hopefully becoming a better person.
So i'm like working on my personality and if you don't get how it is linked to getting books, i'm trying to gain knowledge and brush up on my vocab/writing skills.
Cause i think books are.. enchanting, haha.
It opens doors to new lives and experiences that you'll probably never experience by yourself and so by reading you'll gain more knowledge and life experience and not only stay at where you are or what you may experience only.
So yup, i will try to read more but i guess i'll keep the books till after SA2.
Now i'm gonna focus on studying!
I CAN DO THIS, ELAINE!
Oh yah my mum threw away the pillow that i had for 15 years (yeah its gross but whatever) so i got one at the John Little's sale.
It was actually $99 but at the sale it was $19.90 lol how ridiculous is that!
Anyway i love it hehe.
Cause i like hard pillows. Not rock solid but those semi-hard ones.
It's weird i know, cause people usually like super soft pillows that make you seem like you're floating in the clouds, having marshmallow dreams.
Hahaha whatever man, i like sleeping on cold, hard floor.
Welcome to reality you dreamers! Hahaha.
Love,
Elaine.

Serenity.

2011-09-02T22:47:00.000+08:00

Have any of you ever tried bathing in a shower with cool water, with hands on your ears, blocking out ever other sound but the sound of water beating down on you?
I tried that today and wow, i was wondering why didn't i do that earlier.
It's just so... relaxing.
It's like all your heavy thoughts get blocked out and you're so in touch with your own true emotions and everything feels so serene.
Until your hands leave your ears and you're exposed to the reality of this world again.
It's like how in life, there will always be nasty things or certain comments that you don't like to hear but sometimes you just have to be in touch with your own emotions and try to block them out.
And when your mind blocks out such thoughts, you'll naturally be happier and more relaxed :)
Love,
Elaine.

Burdensome thoughts, heavy heart.

2011-09-01T23:03:00.000+08:00

"I'm not fascinated by people who smile all the time. What I find interesting is the way people look when they are lost in thought, when their faces becomes angry or serious, when they bite their lip, the way they glance, the way they look down when they walk, when they are alone and smoking a cigarette, when they smirk, the way they half smile, the way they try and hold back tears, the way when their face says they want to say something but can't, the way they look at someone they want or love... I love the way people look when they do these things. It's... beautiful."
- Josh (http://www.animate-me.tumblr.com)

Happy Teachers' Day!

2011-09-01T02:46:00.001+08:00

Okay, so its 2:45 AM now and i'm still awake, making Teachers' day cards.
Damn it, what a good life!
I didn't even do any homework :(
So its like lack of sleep + immense guilt.
K, i'm just gonna act like i'm totally fine with it :)
So in about 15 minutes time i'm just gonna take a nap and then go to school later on wow wow wow.
K gtg pack up plus finish up my cards!
Love,
Elaine.

I'm getting baptised!

2011-08-31T21:01:00.000+08:00

Signed up for Baptism class!
Gonna be baptised soon, hehe :)
Kinda tensed over the testimonial part though, like there's quite a lot of things i want to say, some things that i don't think i want to say and just, everything is hard to put into words you know?
It's so different from writing a casual blogpost or a nerve-wrecking essay.
A testimonial (to me) has to be as casual as possible to narrate the most truthful incidents that has happened in my life but at the same time it's so nerve-wrecking.
K forget it, i know i'm probably not making sense.
Or maybe i shouldn't understand your capability to comprehend, so yup if you understand that's great, if you don't, forget about what i just said then :)
Anyway, i've got to start studying like, real soon.
Anyone studies better with a friend?!
Memememe! Study with me :(
But it seems that everyone prefers studying alone, gargh.
Have to start picking up that annoyingly, frustratingly, lonely hobby!
Okay i'm off to make my fantabulous teacher's day cards!
Love,
Elaine.

2011-08-31T20:53:00.002+08:00

"In the space between yes and no, there's a lifetime. It's the difference between the path you walk and the one you leave behind; it's the gap between who you thought you could be and who you really are; it's the legroom for the lies you'll tell yourself in the future."

- Jodi Picoult (Change of Heart)

2011-08-30T14:00:00.000+08:00

"It doesn't matter what you do, it doesn't matter how much money you make, it doesn't matter what your title is; if you're a lawyer, musician, rockstar or famous, it doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is that you're a good person."
- John Gomez

2011-08-30T00:21:00.001+08:00

"Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine."
- Lord Byron

2011-08-28T20:55:00.000+08:00

"Maybe there's something you're afraid to say, or someone you're afraid to love, or somewhere you're afraid to go. It's gonna hurt. It's gonna hurt because it matters."
- John Green

2011-08-27T23:50:00.001+08:00

BBQ!

2011-08-27T00:33:00.001+08:00

Just reached home at around 12:10 AM hehe.

Came back from Brendan's bbq party (to celebrate his birthday) and had loadsssss of fun!

Ate lots of food (as usual) and played games like splashing people with fountain water LOL.

I invented the idea of using cups and soon, everyone was wet.

Although the one who was the most poor thing was Shong Yan LOL.

Not only was he being splashed water like siao, everyone kept calling him a blind bat due to his optical degree LOL.
Oh yah I made new friends too, like Shong Yan and hi Wen Han! If you're reading this!

Hahaha so throughout the night we were bbq-ing, splashing water at everyone, playing poker cards, playing with fire (fire sparklers), running around hahaha.

Oh yah, we went to the mini maze at Brendan's condo and ended up trying to scare each other cause the maze has a lot of curbs and corners.

Omg Keane, Shong Yan and Jasper (?) ganged up and tried to scare me but i was like -.- while Darilyn, who was behind me, fell on the floor in shock LOL.

I'M SUCH A SPOILER HAHAHA.

Oh and it was pretty fun trying to scare Darilyn since she's apparently, afraid of anything LOL.

Anyway, after the party at around 10 plus, Daryl (oh yah i must compliment him for helping out so much for the bbq) and Hudson left first while the rest of us left at around 11.

Darilyn's dad fetched her while Jasper's dad/mum fetched Kelly (?) and Bharath hehe.

Then the rest of us, Keane, Wen Han, Shong Yan, Yeung Gin and Jermaine took the bus.

Keane left first cause his curfew was supposedly at 9 and the time he left was already late enough to get him slaughtered LOL, so hopefully he will make it back to school alive on Wednesday!

Anyway, the rest of us went to Bishan Park Mac to just, idk chill.

Haha seems like all the KCP people (that i know) have some special affinity for Bishan Park Mac LOL.

K anyway, we talked a lot of crap and i'm actually feeling bad because i've been an asshole (Yeung Gin is worse though) to Shong Yan even though today is the first time we talked LOL.
And he was kinda like, jacked cause he said its the first time we talked and I already have that kind of impression of him LOL.

But okay, he's a nice guy all in all, even though i deny it.

So yup, after slacking and all, we came home.

Sigh, fun times always pass so fast.

If only no one had curfews hehe.

K off to fulfil my promise of sleeping early! (Okay, not immediately but i will try my best to sleep soon)

Love,
Elaine.

Time.

2011-08-26T00:58:00.002+08:00

Some thoughts from this malfunctioning brain of mine at 1am.

Love,

Elaine.

2011-08-24T19:33:00.005+08:00

"Don't ever use someone's past against them. You're just reminding them of the mistakes they've made back then. If you watch their facial expression carefully, you'll see the hurt in their eyes as they reminisce everything that happened. Never use emotion as a weapon, it strikes deeper than you can imagine."

- Source : Tumblr (with my editing of grammar).

2011-08-23T23:17:00.004+08:00

I don't know who that person may be for you, but...

Don't question it :)

2011-08-23T00:27:00.000+08:00

I find it sad how i'm living my life by trying to make myself less guilty for not doing enough homework everyday.

2011-08-23T00:26:00.001+08:00

2011-08-21T21:23:00.003+08:00

I think my mood swings are rather scary.
Like a moment ago I was fuming and spitting venom but now I'm all ROFL-ing LOL.

2011-08-21T18:34:00.002+08:00

2011-08-19T19:30:00.003+08:00

Gonna chiong my homework hardcore after I find out what's the cause of this mysterious force that's causing me to be drawn towards my computer.

2011-08-19T18:38:00.000+08:00

"Maybe you can afford to wait. Maybe for you there's a tomorrow. Maybe for you there's one thousand tomorrows, or three thousand, or ten, so much time you can bathe in it, roll around it, let it slide like coins through your fingers. So much time you can waste it. But for some of us, there's only today. And the truth is, you never really know."
- Lauren Oliver

2011-08-15T00:37:00.004+08:00

MY LIFE IS ONE HECK OF A DRAMA.
Its full of teenage drama omg.
All the 'you stole my guy', glaring stares, creepy stalkers, irritating people stuff.
GIVE ME A BREAK OMG.
But obviously, someone with a unique personality like me has to lead a unique lifestyle ~
Hahahaha whatever seriously.
Sometimes i can't stand myself.

2011-08-14T22:44:00.000+08:00

"Full of ennui ----- that is to say, empty."
- Victor Hugo

National Day like some ordinary day.

2011-08-10T21:22:00.001+08:00

Went out with Darilyn, Caryl and Daphne yesterday!
Hahaha mainly cause Caryl wanted to go to Typo (she wanted to get the same pencil case as me) and I wanted to fix my laptop, all at Wisma Atria.
In the end, my design was sold out! (DUHHHHHH)
And they couldn't make up their mind on what to buy haha.
So we walked around the WHOLE ORCHARD.
Which is really tiring!
Then ate some snacks (not exactly cause me and Caryl at rice) before going off to find Cineleisure.
Wanted to watch Zookeeper but the tickets were sold out! :(
Watched Cowboys vs Aliens in the end!
After we watched the movie, which is around 7pm, we went back to Wisma Atria.
LOL I HAD TOTALLY FORGOT TO 'REDEEM' MY LAPTOP.
And they (Darilyn & Caryl) had to decide which pencil cases they'd eventually buy LOL.
Anyway, i'm glad that my precious baby (laptop) is back! ♥

Today, went to Bugis with Jasmine!
Bought lots of clothes, which is why i'm feeling super satisfied now!
And i made Jasmine buy stuff too!
Which is a super huge progress so Yong Qing, better thank me now!
She usually doesn't buy anything but today she bought 3 different items!
Muahahahaha.
We even have some sort of 'couple tee' now..
Oh wait, we have 2 'couple tees'! LOL. (To Jasmine: Remember the UK shirt and today's cute tee?! HAHAHA.)
Today was super smooth-sailing! (Agreed by me and Jasmine)
Cause we met at 1pm and by 4pm, we felt like we've finished walking and seeing the stuff at Bugis Street!
Felt super shiok, hehe.
But it may be the calm before the storm! (Storm as in the results for CA2 tomorrow...)
Will update you guys with my results!
Oh and we took neoprints!
Didn't have enough time to finish decorating :(
But it's still nice hehehe.
And yah, i took neoprints with Darilyn, Caryl and Daphne yesterday too!
Wooohoooooo ;)
K just wanted a short update since Jasmine bothered to tag!
Love,
Elaine.

Omg i have such weird fate with creepy stalkers.

2011-08-06T20:33:00.005+08:00

Omg this is so freaking true.

Which is why I don't really like studying most of the subjects!

P.S. Okay shit, i just saw the other posts as well.. I think i'll need to reblog the whole http://zodiacsociety.tumblr.com/tagged/taurustrait

Wanna know more about me? Go to that website and i can say "Yeah, that's me!" for every post LOL.

I think i'm starting to believe in horoscopes!

Yes, omg i'm like the queen of procrastination please.

Shattered Heart.

2011-08-06T18:57:00.002+08:00

Shattered Heart

No feeling of serenity,

Calm or even peace,

Not even hate or frustration,

All emotions have ceased.

My love has gone,

My heart is void.

Shattered in fragments,

Destroyed.

-Apollo of Olympas (poet)

Love,

Elaine.

(Another draft that was supposed to be posted like, last year on 24/08/2010)

I miss the old times.

2011-08-06T18:55:00.001+08:00

Totally LOL-ed at this!

This too!

Happens to me all the time!

This was a draft from last year that I realised i didn't post in the end.

Just going through my posts to reminisce, now i'm finding so many drafts haha.

Shall spam post them all :)

Love,

Elaine.

Time to let down your hair and... SING!

2011-08-04T23:36:00.002+08:00

Hey guys, i'm back!
Muahahaha i still can't believe that the exams are already over!
Have been losing sleep like nobody's business recently..
So glad its over!
That's why, i've decided.. to start studying like 2 months before the End-of-Years!
Partly because i wanna prove to the world that even though i might seem like a complete retard in class, i'm actually not that stupid even if i'm not that smart!
Hahaha and partly also that i can laugh at people when they're busily chionging for their End-of-Years and i'm just, layin' back takin' a chill pill yo.
MUAHAHAHA SMART?!
And don't tell me i can't cause i can ;)
Oh yah btw, have you guys heard the new songs i posted on my blog?
Better comment or i'll stop posting because nobody replies to me boohoo! :'(
It's actually freaking nice right?
And to Jasmine who dislikes Korean songs just cause she doesn't understand them, these songs' emotions can be heard so distinctly, you don't need to know the language at all!
Not all things have to be heard, or seen.. Sometimes it must be felt.
And that's just one of the reasons why i like Korean.
The language is so expressive, it breaks many barriers such as understanding the language itself.
Okay whatever you guys may not feel what i feel but yeah, that's just how i feel.
Oh and today we had lots of fun after Physics exam, hehe.
A pity Gladys didn't join us..
But we had a great time just singing loudly with cracking and sore voices but we didn't really care LOL.
Shall rest my voice for another karaoke session! :D
Okay, off to spend time with my computer! ♥
Love,
Elaine.

그래서그여자는그대널사랑했데요,똑같아서…

Here I Am, That Woman is the Reason.

2011-08-03T17:37:00.003+08:00

Okay so since I haven't posted in a while, cause of the exams obviously.
And i know that i'm not spending my time wisely right now but argh, i can't bother anymore LOL.
This whole CA2 was super stressful but it's also like, my slackest.. Psht.
Gonna start studying 2 months before my End-of-Years, HAH BEAT THAT.
Anyway, if no one tags i'm just gonna close my blog.
It's like so.. dead.
Yeah this is threatening/blackmailing!
Anyway, just wanted to update my mixpod songs (added 3 new songs).
Even if you really dislike/hate Korean songs, these songs are super nice.
Gonna post the lyrics cause they're really very meaningful & deep :)
Please at least take 1 minute to skim through the lyrics!
It's super good i promise.

Baek Ji Young - That Woman

A woman loves you.

That woman loves you wholeheartedly.

She follows you around like a shadow everyday,

She smiles but is actually crying.

How much longer do I have to continue looking at you like this, alone.

This love that came like the wind,

This beggar-like love.

If I continue this, will you love me?

Just come a little nearer,

Just a little bit.

Please don't step back,

I, the one who loves you,

Is still next to you.

That woman is crying out.

That woman is very shy,

So she learnt how to smile.

Her heart is so full of tears,

She can't even share her story,

With her best friend.

That's why, that woman,

Loved you.

Because you were so much like her.

Another fool,

Yet another fool.

Please give me a hug before you leave me.

I want to be loved, dear.

That's all I wanted.

She shouts, just in her heart.

Just in her heart.

No one can hear her,

But that woman is still next to you.

Do you know that,

I am that woman?

You don't, do you?

Because you are just a fool.

How much,

How much longer,

Do I have to love you like this?

This love that's like a fool,

This beggar-like love.

Would you love me?

That woman, who loves you,

Is still next to you and she is still crying.

4 Men - Reason

There is no way you can know me,

You don't know anything.

If only you loved someone, then will you know me.

Could you become me?

Can we exchange our hearts?

If you loved this much, you will know my heart.

You will never know my heart,

Wanting to protect someone for the first time.

You can lean on me,

It must have been hard for you.

Took too long to come back to you,

Hope this isn't accidental.

My heart knew you first and told me,

I was waiting for you.

Love changes a lot of things,

Even things that you thought could never change.

It even changed my little habits.

In the end, I hope it will be you.

The person that will be with me,

That person will be you.

You can lean on me, it must have been hard for you,

You waited so long.

Took too long to come back to you,

I hope this isn't accidental.

My heart knew you first and tells me that,

I was waiting for you.

It was a love from long before.

I will scream to the world that I love you.

I will protect you from now on.

Even if my body changes,

My heart is still here.

My heart, it knows you first.

4 Men Ft. 美 - Here I am

Here I am,

In this place,

Here I am.

Here I am,

In this place,

I'm here.

Here I am,

In this place,

Here I am.

Here I am,

In this place,

I am here.

Even if it's not enough,

I will show you how much I really love you.

And you may never know but,

Here I am.

Here I am,

In this place,

Here I am.

Here I am,

In this place,

I'm here.

Even if it's not enough for me to show,

How much I really love you,

I'll just wait for you in this place.

Even if you think its not enough, it's fine.

I'll show you how much I really love you.

And you may never know but,

Here I am.

You may never know but, here I am.

All these are songs from Secret Garden's OST! (Official Songs Track)
They're originally Korean so I searched for the translated lyrics and of course, because sometimes their translations aren't so accurate, I edited quite a lot so that the meaning of the song isn't fully lost.

And the singers who sang these songs are really superb.

They can sing super well!
They're not those Kpop Idol groups, so don't worry and just take some time to listen to the songs!

(Btw look at my pun-intended blog post title! Hehehe. It's actually the title of the 3 songs!)

Love,
Elaine.

I will forget you.

2011-07-29T18:34:00.001+08:00

Starting from today,

You'll be a person that I do not know,

Just like a person that I have not seen.

Even if we meet on the streets,

Our paths have never crossed.

I'm alright,

I have already forgotten.

C.N Blue - I will forget you (English-translated lyrics)
Park Shin Hye sang it better though, in the drama Heartstrings.

2011-07-25T00:25:00.001+08:00

"You say that you love rain, but you open your umbrella when it rains. You say that you love the sun, but you find a shadow spot when the sun shines. You say that you love the wind, but you close your windows when wind blows. This is why I am afraid, you say that you love me too."

- William Shakespeare

I'm pretty sure that William Shakespeare would make a good boyfriend.

I love you, dad.

2011-07-23T20:15:00.000+08:00

Today, i had a talk with my dad.
It was the first time i've actually sat down to talk to him.
And it felt really, really good.
It was awkward at first, afterall i only see him for a few weeks in an entire year.
He was just talking to me about his business, his views and all that but it made me feel really special because it was like, i was his only confidant and my thoughts actually mattered to him.
Its also the first time i actually took time to listen to him and not spend the days we have together as strangers.
Also, its the first time i actually studied his features...
His creasing forehead, downcast lids and eyes that shone so strangely bright.
His black orbs shone so brightly and yet, they seemed so languished and lonely.
However, he looked like the loving father that i never really knew.
And it struck me that i've been neglecting him so much and i haven't been spending time with him or even just feel grateful for my father.
But in any way, i love you dad, even if i may never say this out.
Love,
Elaine.

Uniquely me.

2011-07-19T23:19:00.002+08:00

Just found out that exams are in a week, today -.-
Wow how fail is that.
But its uniquely, Elaine... Yeah.
Okay so i'm pretty sure that i won't have enough time to finish studying all those crap for CA2 but imma try my best.
But before that, i need to finish the freaking mountain load of overdue june holiday assignments that are slowly killing me by inducing guilt.
Life sucks.
Kthxbye.

2011-07-17T22:26:00.000+08:00

"So many bright futures consigned to the ashes of the past. So many dreams lost in the madness that had engulfed us. Except for a few widely scattered shouts of joy, the survivors of the abyss sat hollow-eyed and silent, trying to comprehend a world without war."
- Paul Fussell (Thank God for the Atom Bomb & Other Essays)

2011-07-17T01:51:00.001+08:00

2011-07-13T21:47:00.001+08:00

"Sometimes," said Pooh, "the smallest things take up the most room in your heart."

2011-07-13T21:20:00.001+08:00

"Trees are poems the earth writes upon the sky,
we fell them down and turn them into paper,
that we may record our emptiness."
- Khalil Gibran

The endless awe of the English language.

2011-07-12T23:18:00.002+08:00

It's the scariest thing to realize how much someone means to you. When it hits you, I mean really hits you, all these thoughts and questions rush through your head at once. A sad emotion even starts to creep on you slowly, inch by inch, as you start to wonder.

What if for some reason, things don't work out? ---- How are you possibly going to live without them.

Someone that was once a stranger, now is the only person you know like the back of your hand. Someone you once had no emotions for, now has the power to break your heart. Someone you never used to hang out with, now owns most of your time. Someone you never thought you'd love, now owns your entire heart. Someone you once live without, you now wish to hold onto forever.

- Taken from Tumblr with editing of grammar by me.

'O' Level Chinese Oral!

2011-07-12T23:13:00.000+08:00

Okay guys, so I had my 'O' Level Chinese Orals today!

Even up till today, i wasn't really intimidated by the fact that it was the 'O' Levels because everything just seemed so... Surreal.

Its as though its just a dream because i really didn't feel anything, nervous, panicky, confident, nothing at all.

I was just feeling... monotonous.

I guess its for the fact that there were only so few higher chinese people who were taking this exam while the rest of our classmate are still living their usual Sec 3 lifestyles.

However, the moment i waited for eventually arrived.

Panick attack right after i went towards the Assistant Oral Examiner.

It took me every ounce of confidence i had left to walk from my waiting area to the 2 actual Oral Examiners even though it was less than 5 metres away.

Walked like i was a model in a runway show, hahaha nah just exaggerating.

And i greeted them in such a cheerful and bubbly way, hehehe.

But when i started reading the Chinese passage, it was like my throat was dry and my voice was just low and cracky.

However, i guess i managed to gain some points on my conversation :)

Can't stand the Examiner sitting on my left hand side though.

She was so rude! She even BURPED omg, seriously. BURP!

She was just like, "BURP." then "Ooops, excuse me."

And i was like... "Wtf?" <---- In my head of course. On the surface i was still acting like some happy nerd.

Hahaha, i think i didn't do too badly for my Oral because the Examiner was all smiles and wow, i even shared about my life dude!

But i'm afraid she'd think i'm lying :/

Okay whatever, everything's gonna be okay in the end.

If its not okay, its not the end :)

NO MORE CHINESE ORALS FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE YAY.

Love,

Elaine.

Muahahaha 3 posts in a day today, thank me for entertaining you stalkers! LOL.

So i guess i can stop posting for another 3 more days! Just kidding.

2011-07-12T23:00:00.000+08:00

Do not take everything too seriously. Some things matter, while some things don't... Give and take, for this is how life works.

- Elaine.

2011-07-09T19:35:00.001+08:00

"I told myself that if I didn't care, this wouldn't have hurt so much --- Surely that proved I was alive and human and all those touchy-feely things, for once and for all. But that wasn't a relief, not when I felt like a skyscraper with dynamite on every floor."

- Jodi Picoult, Handle with Care.

Shopaholic Impulsions!

2011-07-06T22:25:00.002+08:00

Hey guys, guess what?!
I opened a blogshop with JASMINE JAZZYMONE! ;)
It sells all our secondhand clothes so please TAKE A LOOK at FEEL FREE TO BUY STUFF FROM THERE! :D

CLICK HERE

Thank you!
Lots of love,

Elaine.

Never almost had you.

2011-07-06T19:11:00.002+08:00

Hehehe some of you might have noticed that i've added a new song on my playlist.
The only one with lyrics! Haha.
I've liked this song for a super long time but then I'm recently crazy over it again.
The lyrics may seem confusing but its really deep :)
Here's the song :

Tamia - Almost

[Verse 1]
Can you tell me
How can one miss what she's never had
How could I reminisce when there is no past
How could I have memories of being happy with you boy
Could someone tell me how can this be
How could my mind pull up incidents
Recall dates and times that never happened
How could we celebrate a love that's too late
And how could I really mean the words I'm bout to say

[Chorus]
I missed the times that we almost shared
I miss the love that was almost there
I miss the times that we use to kiss
At least in my dreams
Just let me take my time and reminisce
I miss the times that we never had
What happened to us we were almost there
Whoever said it's impossible to miss when you never had
Never almost had you

[Verse 2]
I cannot believe I let you go
Or what I should say is I shoulda grabbed you up and never let you go
I shoulda went out with you
I shoulda made you my boo boy
Yeah that's one time I shoulda broke the rules
I shoulda went on a date
Shoulda found a way to escape
Shoulda turned an almost into
If it happened now its too late
How could I celebrate a love that wasn't real
And if it didn't happen why does my heart feel

[Chorus]
I missed the times that we almost shared
I miss the love that was almost there
I miss the times that we use to kiss
At least in my dreams
Just let me take my time and reminisce
I miss the times that we never had
What happened to us we were almost there
Whoever said it's impossible to miss when you never had
Never almost had you

[Verse 3]
(sometimes I wanna rub ya, some nights I wanna hug ya)
And you seem to be the perfect one for me
You (some nights I wanna touch ya but tonight I wanna love ya)
You're all that I ever wanted
And you're my everything yes its true
Boy its hard to be close to you
My love
I know it may sound crazy
But I'm in love with you

[Chorus]
I missed the times that we almost shared
I miss the love that was almost there
I miss the times that we use to kiss
At least in my dreams
Just let me take my time and reminisce
I miss the times that we never had
What happened to us we were almost there
Whoever said it's impossible to miss what you never had
Never almost had you

I missed the times that we almost shared
I miss the love that was almost there (sometimes I wanna rub ya)
I miss the times that we use to kiss
At least in my dreams
Let me take my time and reminisce (but tonight I wanna love ya)
I miss the times that we never had
What happened to us we were almost there
Whoever said its impossible to miss when you never had
Never, never almost had you (but tonight I wanna love ya)

Love,

Elaine.

2011-07-03T23:37:00.001+08:00

“One reason we struggle with insecurity: we’re comparing our behind the scenes to everyone else’s highlight reel.”
- Steven Furtick

Omg, this is soooo true.
Sorry for the consistent spamming of quotations, but i feel the need to share all these to perhaps at least let some of us know how we're not alone and how maybe, life isn't so bad afterall! :)

2011-07-03T23:32:00.002+08:00

"No one lives long enough to learn everything they need to learn starting from scratch. To be successful, we absolutely, positively have to find people who have already paid the price to learn the things that we need to learn to achieve our goals."
- Brian Tracy

Bloated stomachs & sleepless nights.

2011-07-03T23:23:00.000+08:00

Yo wazzzup.
Yesterday, went to celebrate Vonnie's belated sweet sixteen and she treated us to Nihon Mura! ♥ ♥ ♥
Omg the food was amazingggggggg + totally awesome, duh!
All the raw salmon, tuna, ebi etc.!
There was like, approximately 35 pieces of each! WAHHHHHHHHHH.
Hahaha and i was super duper bloated after we ate!
After the lunch, which ended super late, Gladys had to go off first and the rest of us, Vonnie, Michelle, Jasmine, Pearlyn, Jun Ru and me went off to check the movie timings.
Checked almost everywhere, INCLUDING the one at Northpoint but it was all fully booked :(
So we decided to just shop around and spend time together!
Was shopping around Plaza Singapura until we felt a little bit bored, at around 6.30 pm..
Went to Orchard in the end!
Walked around and the old people like Pearlyn kept complaining that she was tired!
Bought a 'KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON' poster, which is the craziest thing i bought yesterday!
$6.50 for a poster that is really easily torn.. but luckily Jasmine bought it with me so i feel less crazy!
However, its a super nice poster!
Look here :

Hehehe i loveeeeeeeeee ♥ it!
Afterwards, Jasmine and Jun Ru left at around 8.30 pm (?)..
And the rest of us went to Starbucks for coffee!
Had white chocolate mocha frappuccino! :D
Tastes great.
But guess what?
The doctor advised me not to have coffee at all due to my insomnia and since i had it AT NIGHT, i only fell asleep at like, 3 am (?) yesterday.. BUT I WAS FREAKING TIRED.
Rolled around my bed and stuff like these but everything was just so uncomfortable! ARGH.
Until i turned on the air con.. even though the weather was actually quite cooling yesterday.
But i don't know why, i fall asleep better in air conditioned rooms.
I think cold air stimulates sleep? LOL.
Might be true right!
Don't you feel sleepy in rainy days or in air conditioned places?!
Hahaha okay whatever.
Love,
Elaine.

P.S. Pearlyn, omg i forgot the phone charger again! Give me two more weeks, i'm so sorry! Because next week i won't be going to church, we're having our church's anniversary lunch elsewhere, i'm sorry!

Drug-induced machinery.

2011-06-27T17:36:00.001+08:00

I feel like my life is like a drama these days.
Almost fainted.. or should i say, semi-fainted(?) in school today.
Actually it isn't the first time this happened to me.
Hahaha i can't stand my immune system..
Its like i'm a drug-induced machine or something -.-
Sigh.
I hope to be healthy!
Shall watch my diet strictly now!
So unfair that i eat what others eat and fall sick while they stay healthy :(
Love,
Elaine.

2011-06-23T23:47:00.002+08:00

Too tired to give a shit.

Stay strong. ♥

2011-06-21T18:22:00.002+08:00

"People will hate you, rate you, shake you, and break you. How strong you stand is what makes you."

Go with the flow ~

2011-06-21T00:33:00.000+08:00

Hello everyone!
So, okay i feel like my life has been somewhat perfect ever since church camp!
I think its because i've been dwelling more on the positive things in life than the negativity...
But after camp, i've been hearing sweet things from people to me hehehehe.
And i guess it just makes my day everyday.
Although today i was insulted like crazy by Ginola -.-
Whatever! Let bygones be bygones ~
I prefer forgetting negative comments!
Hehehe even though i am feeling all positive and stuff, my heart still cringes at the thought of the insurmountable amount of homeworks i have.
Nope, its not the least bit exaggerating!
The thought of Physics is enough to kill you.
And i haven't gotten over the fact that the first exam paper i failed in my life is Physics :(
But that's not gonna bring me down!
I'm gonna work harder.. But i'm still afraid!
Okay anyway, after just slacking and playing frisbee with Patrick, Ginola, Raiwin, Qi Jin and Mei Hui (Mei Hui left early, before we even played frisbee though), we + Jermaine (excluding Mei Hui and Qi Jin) went to J8 for gongcha :)
After they left, i went to the Body Shop sale and omg!
Everything was super cheap!
Bought 2 bottles of shower gel, 1 wild cherry and 1 passion fruit!
They smell absolutely fantastic!
And then bought some other stuff.
Oh and afterwards, i went to Converse to get my school shoes.
And they were having 10% discount! (I didn't know until i went to pay)
God is really making my life smooth-sailing, hehehe!
Or maybe i just blocked out all the crap! :P
Anyway bought the shoes that i've always wanted to buy! ♥
Then i walked home looking like a shopaholic, muahahaha! That feeling ♥
Because i don't know why but they gave me a super large converse paper bag and the body shop bag was kinda huge too LOL.
Oh yah, i survived a day without phone battery!
Luckily Pearlyn lent me her phone charger!
Thank you so much! ♥ ♥ ♥
Love,
Elaine.

Hallelujah!

2011-06-20T01:26:00.004+08:00

Hello everybody!
I'm back from YaYA camp and i'm guessing that this would be a really, really long post because there's just so much to speak of God's love! :)
It was a totally fabulous experience and i really found many things that i've lost during the camp.
For example, feeling God's love! ♥ ♥ ♥
He really spoke to me A LOT during this camp, be it through visions or other people (like our guest speaker : Joanne and Evangelle).. I'm really glad that there are people like them who are going around, speaking of God's love for us and spreading the Word! Thank God for them :)
During the camp, I had A LOT of visions.
The most visions i've ever had, within the short span of five days.
If you're wondering what visions are, visions are like images (be it in the form of words or pictures) that God speaks through to you.
God really, really spoke to me through every way possible and i'm really very touched.
I've never been so touched in my entire life, but this camp, God really touched me.
He took away all my insecurities and really just showed me how much i mean to Him and how much He loves me!
He also answered to all of my burning question and took away all my fear and disappointment and that was super amazing!
For example,
On the first day, we were asked to write down why we came to this camp in our booklets and I wrote "Because I feel lost and i haven't been spending enough time with God".
And amazingly, for our 1st session, the speakers spoke about 'The Parable of the Lost Son'.
Through the speakers, God spoke to me and you can not imagine how shocked/surprised and elated was i when i attended the session.
He also emphasized this bible verse in my head : "because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found."
God wanted to tell me that I was once dead and is alive again, was lost but is found... And i was just so overwhelmed when i heard that sentence.
It was amazing, how God touched me.
Also, because i felt that i haven't been spending enough time with God, i felt like i was 'unholy' and again, God spoke to me through the session.
He spoke to me through this verse, "Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to Spirit".
This verse means that we are what Jesus is, we were born to be like Him.
And the speaker said that "As Jesus is, so are we." He is holy, and therefore we are holy as well. There is no such thing as being 'unholy'!
I was so, so elated and moved after hearing this session and through this session, he answered all of my doubts and insecurities :)
Also, I went to this camp with a lot of things troubling my mind but throughout this camp, i always felt God's peace with me and it was difficult to even try and make myself feel sad although there were a few times when I felt troubled again but God always made me feel better :)
Also, during soaking (soaking is like, soaking in God's presence) God gave me a vision of a forest with a smooth-flowing lake flowing through the middle of it and what it appeared to me only spoke of one word : Tranquility.
God really knows how i feel and think and He is just using so many ways to reassure me so i really received a lot from Him during this camp :)
I was also prophesied for, a lot, during this camp by different people and all of them were of how God saw me as.
And they were all very true because all of them saw images/words that spoke of similar meanings and I was so, so, so glad :)
Prophecy, using the dictionary, means 'a divine truth revealing God's will'.
When you prophecy over someone, you are asking for God's perspective of the person :)
Some examples of what people saw me as, through God's point of view :
Damariss (my church mate) saw a beautiful white unicorn with wings (which was me) and it was about to soar off into the sky... That was how God saw me as, a beautiful unicorn, flying towards Him :)
That really warmed my heart...
Jasmine (another church mate), saw words.
She said that she saw many, many words.. like, 'Intelligent'.. God saw me as an intelligent child :)
But the word that she saw that stood out the most was 'Strong'.. And i think that's really true.
This made me realise even more that what God is putting me through is all for a reason and because I am strong with Him, He knows i can pull through all these setbacks.. And that really gave me more strength :) ♥
Joanne, the guest speaker, prayed for me on the second last night, which was the night where I felt the most emotions.
I really felt God's presence that night, in me and all around me, with all the lights turned off in the sanctuary and everyone was just kneeling before the altar, worshiping, singing and asking for God's presence.
So i really just broke down and cried a lot, because i was so, so touched and amazed.
And that night was the night where i truly felt loved and because of that, i was really moved.
I have never ever felt so touched in my entire life, because God's love is really that amazing.
Looking at everyone around me, all having the same purpose that was to worship God, really warmed my heart. ♥
And when Joanne came over to pray for me, she spoke to my spirit.
And what she told me really just.. made me tremble and i cried an awful lot.
Well, almost everyone was crying.
She said that she saw my spirit and it was really, really beautiful.
She said that my spirit carried itself different from others and God and myself knew it.
She saw it in a beautiful gown and a tiara, and she looked just like a princess, which was God's perspective of me.
As she spoke to my spirit, she was smiling and giggling and could you imagine someone smiling so sincerely at you, telling you that you are beautiful?
It was so overwhelming and with each sentence, i cried more.
She said that God wants to share many secrets with me that He wouldn't share with others because He trusted me.
And i was like... I can't find any words to express my emotions. God trusts me so much, and i really felt... You know...
And she said she visions me in concerts and on the television, speaking of God's love and Word and how i'm going to impact others in my life.
I was just... Wow.
Yeah i cried my heart out that day.
However, for others, the last night (Encounter night) was the night that made the most difference.
And that was just, last night :)
Last night, God's presence really just filled the entire sanctuary.
So, so, so many people were just manifesting in God's presence.
Manifesting can happen in many ways and last night, many people experienced Holy Laughter.
Its where the Holy Spirit within you just causes you to laugh non-stop, and without reason :)
And it was really a sight to see, hehehe.
Some other people just had random motions which looked like muscle spasms LOL!
But it really can't be stopped, because it was the Holy Spirit's doing :)
And everyone was just laughing and having fun, soaking in God's presence.
A few people were slained too.
Being slained is when you fall unconscious without reason because the Holy Spirit is in you.
Sometimes when people are being slained, they have dreams and visions where God speaks to them.
Some people were also just jerking (one of the motions which looks like muscle spasm).
I didn't really encounter such dramatic manifestations but I just had a vision, which flashed in my head like, 5 times.
God was asking me to look only at Him and once again, I was amazed.
Because last night i had to many things on my mind and i was disappointed as well that i didn't receive any dramatic manifestations so i guess i wasn't really focused on just worshiping...
But anyway, i was really really glad to see many of the girls from AG Home just laying down all their burdens and chains to God and really worshipping God :)
Some of the girls experienced the manifestations as well!
And one of the girls is actually someone I know (as well as you guys know).
She's Sheradene from 3 Praise from our school.
I was so, so glad to see her turning to God and just, turning over a new leaf :)
As well as other girls from the AG Home.. Many of them cried as well because its the first time they've felt so loved by God ^-^
Oh and i got a prophecy from another invited guest during the Encounter night as well.
It was a list of things and some of the things were repeated of what people like Damariss, Jasmine and Joanne prophesied for me!
This is what is written on the paper and what she explained to me:
- Intelligent, wisdom of God
- Revelation from God
- Stable and mature (Her prophecy states that i am mature for my age and i think its quite true LOL. Remember, its my first time actually meeting her... God is amazing.)
- Patient to listen
- Healing anointing (Which means my anointing is in Healing. She said that it may be because when i listen to others' problems, that brings about healing in them as well.)
- Wealth (She said that it may be spiritual wealth or physical wealth! I hope its both though...)
- God will give me gold nuggets (Its not literal, more of spiritual)
- Steadfast and stands firm in God's words.
- Creative
- Mind -> Harvest, practical
- Calm in situations
- Turn water into wine
- Ministries anointing : Evangelism, Teaching, Intercession
And because my gifts are quite similar with Fabian's the lady said we can work together LOL.
Then Elias was going crazy and saying that it was super accurate because he can work with Joel (which he says that they are good friends) and i can work with Fabian because we're good friends(?) LOL.
All in all, this camp was really a wonderful experience and i really just saw God's work in all the people who went for this camp :)
Praise the Lord!
Love,
Elaine.

Platonic friendship.

2011-06-15T17:57:00.001+08:00

"A guy and a girl can be just friends, but at one point or another, they will fall for each other... Maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, maybe forever."

AFK.

2011-06-14T21:46:00.002+08:00

I'll be going for my church's YaYA (Youth and Young Adults) camp tomorrow, all the way till Sunday so don't miss me stalkers! ;)

Hehehe, i'm soooo gonna miss the computer!

Anyway this is to Gladys :

THANK YOU FOR THE NAIL POLISH, THE COLOUR TOTALLY SUITS ME. ITS FANTABULOUS! ♥

HEHEHE. AND THE PASSIONFRUIT STICKIES! ♥ ♥
Of course not forgetting the scrapbook, tank top, SHINee badges! ♥

Okay got to go spend time with my computer!

Love,

Elaine.

Good old times.

2011-06-13T23:53:00.001+08:00

Went out with Gladys today :)

Stupid Gladys never fails to arrive late!

Hahaha anyway she passed me my belated birthday present and I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT.

Hehehe thank you Gladys ♥

Anyway, we watched 'Something Borrowed'.

I would say the movie is quite good :)

Funny, romantic and touching at the same time.

All the waiting and not taking initiative etc. in the movie really speaks about our lives, hahaha.

I would recommend this show :)

Anyway, we went to Somerset 313 after the show and then to Orchard Central.

Didn't buy anything, surprisingly!

Anyway, we ate Sakae Sushi buffet :D

After the buffet, i gained like 1kg LOL.
Gonna weigh again tomorrow morning.

Oh i love having a weighing machine ^-^

Anyway, i'm going to IKEA Tampines with Jasmine, Jun Ru and Pearlyn tomorrow hehehe.

I miss Bedok-Tampines area soooo much!

Heard that it changed a lot.

Hope i can still remember some familiar places and perhaps see some familiar faces since my friends go out all the time, hahaha.

Okay so that's about it!

Love,

Elaine.

"The truth is, we hide so we can be found, we walk away to see who will follow, we cry to see who will wipe away our tears and we get our hearts broken to see who will fix them."

- Grey's Anatomy.

Numbers matters.

2011-06-12T23:31:00.005+08:00

I'M FINALLY LIGHTER THAN MY SISTER MUAHAHAHA, JUST SAYIN'.
Yeah, my mum finally bought a weighing machine hehe.
Its the glassy-plastic kind from practically anywhere but we got it from Watsons ^-^
I lost weight and she gained weight ;)
Well, i didn't actually lose a lot of weight but she gained a few here and there.
Anyway, i'm still glad.
I knew i lost weight! It's totally obvious (for me only).
But whatever!
Love,
Elaine.

2011-06-11T19:31:00.002+08:00

I'm in love with my own tumblr.
Muahahaha.
Yes whatever, i'm a self-obsessed bitch suck it up.